Obstacles to Building Intimacy and How to Stop Them from Ruining Your Relationship

Apr 12, 2021

Intimacy requires love, time, and deliberateness. It should be watered like a plant. But in order to grow healthy and balanced, this plant needs to be watered by both partners. It takes two to tango – or to water in this case.

Getting to know each other and building closeness sounds easy. The reality is that humans are not perfect. The path to intimacy will have obstacles and roadblocks.

Some have trouble building intimacy because they fear losing their sense of independence. On the other hand, some can have trouble with intimacy because they focus on fixing their partner rather than accepting them. Obstacles like that can stand in the way of true intimacy. When the obstacles present themselves, remember the reason why you started the relationship in the first place. Remembering why you love him will help keep you going as you overcome these obstacles to building intimacy - together.

Here are some obstacles to building intimacy and how to address them:

Trapping yourself in routine. Your relationship might reach a point where everything becomes routine. You find yourself eating at the same restaurants, repeating conversations, or doing the same weekend activities. Getting trapped in that routine can plateau the level of intimacy you have with your partner.


  •  Surprise your partner with a date in a new location.
  • Choose a new hobby to enjoy together.

Building walls. During an argument, you have the tendency to shut down and stop communicating with your partner.


  • Calmly and respectfully let him know that you need a break from the conversation.
  • Take a 20-30-minute break. 
  • Revisit the conversation with honesty, respect, and vulnerability. 

Fear of intimacy. A subconscious fear of intimacy can prevent you from getting closer to your partner. You might have difficulty communicating your own needs or tend to self-sabotage your  relationships.


  • Identify the origins of the fear. 
  • Set boundaries to feel safe.
  • Communicate your feelings.
  • Seek the outside support you need to address any past hurts.  

Lack of time. You might find yourself prioritizing other things above your relationship. If you struggle with not having enough time to buiild true intimacy, pay attention to what’s been prioritized above the relationship.


  •  Schedule regular date nights and check ins with your mate.
  •  Check out my Priority Protocol coaching exercise and YouTube video. This will help you to be deliberate about your priorities. Completing these with your mate will help you to function as a team.

Dishonesty. True intimacy cannot be built if there are secrets or dishonesty in your relationship. Dishonesty shows up as a fear of the closeness and the vulnerability that comes from honesty.


  • Share with your partner what you need to be transparent with your feelings.

Lack of trust. You might have a hard time trusting because of something that happened in the past or something their partner has done. It’s important to address any lack of trust because intimacy is unobtainable without it.


  • Create a safe space for both of you to share and discuss uncomfortable truths.
  • If your trust has been violated in the past and is still impacting your ability to enjoy a healthy, happy relationship, it is time to get some support. I’m here to help. Schedule an appointment sooner rather than later. The relationship you save may be your own.

You might notice these obstacles to building true intimacy are very human! Do your best to be cognizant of them and  tackle them in your relationship. Doing so will help you to experience the love and joy possible from true, deep intimacy.


Are you 30 to 40 years old and want to get married? Check out Wife Life Academy Mentoring! 

Ready to find love after 40? Click here to learn how your sister across  the country are preparing to meet the love of their lives.  

Do you have a question about love, dating, sex, or marriage? Email us at [email protected] and we might be able to answer anonymously in an upcoming blog or video!

It's time to position yourself to find and be found by the quality man you deserve!